MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – Homosexuality is a hot-topic in Christian circles today. Questions like: Should homosexuals be allowed in the church or to become leaders in the church? Is there really a homosexual gene? Is someone born or made into a homosexual? Regardless of the answers to these questions North Central University is still against the homosexual lifestyle and being caught practicing or participating in this lifestyle would result in expulsion or suspension from the University.
So here are a few survival tips for any homosexuals currently wading through the curriculum at the good ole’ NCU.
Survival Tip #1- You must become over involved in as many facets of North Central as humanly possible, including Student Leadership, SAC, Worship Bands, Emerging Leader Growth Group’s, Student Led Chapel, etc. If you are a vital aspect of the NCU community the fact that you are gay will be discarded as unimportant.
Survival Tip #2- Realize that most people already believe you are gay because everyone likes the word “Gaydar” and they like to assume they have perfect “Gaydar”.
Survival Tip #3- Have pictures of scantily clad yet semi-acceptable woman hanging around your dorm and bulletin board. Again everyone already assumes you are gay and are rooting for you.
Survival Tip #4- Make sure you don’t refer to an ‘off day’ when it comes to appearance as being a ‘scrubby’ day. On the contrary, you should refer to your well kept and prepared appearance days as flukes or “you woke up early and figured you’d look presentable” days.
Survival Tip #5- Pick a random sports team to become a super-fan of but never use the word ‘super’ to describe anything you are or do.
Survival Tip #6- Do not ‘out’ yourself on your Facebook or Myspace profile or photos. Remember, it’s better to pretend you’re something you’re not and be accepted then to be whom you really are and be condemned.
Survival Tip #7- Actually become saved for real and let God fix you because according to conservative Christianity you must be broken.
(Add your own survival tips!)
Posted by Bernstein 
Posted by Bernstein 
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