HEADLINES this week

Hello Plight readers. I am going to try and post these every Monday. And King of String and Anon-dyne or whatever, I’ll try to make them awesome for you.

front page:

MAN FINDS JESUS EXACTLY WHERE HE LEFT HIM

local:

FRESHMEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING FORCED TO WEAR “PURITY GLOVES”

sports:

TRUST FALLING CLUB PETITIONS FOR REAL SPORT STATUS

arts & entertainment:

NARNIA MOVIE NOT QUITE AS EPIC ON 12″ LAPTOP SCREEN

business:

RISE IN TUITION COST TO FUND BIG BUCK HUNTER FOR TEACHERS LOUNGE

source:

MINISTRY CREDIT CLASS TIME UTILIZED SOLELY FOR CELL PHONE GAMING

opinion:

“God told me to tell you that Matt isn’t the right guy for you. But that he is the right guy for me.” -Abigale Elijah

This entry was posted on Monday, March 24th, 2008 at 10:25 pm and is filed under christian culture, headlines, sports, technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

15 Responses to “HEADLINES this week”

  1. Called. . . to the Student Development Office Says:
    Monday, March 24, 2008 at 10:30 pm | Reply

    Woodward come and save us!

  2. Matt Says:
    Monday, March 24, 2008 at 10:34 pm | Reply

    The thought of purity gloves makes me giggle like a little school child.

  3. Ed Rockwell Says:
    Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 12:26 am | Reply

    Matt…are you the Matt that Abigail has claimed in God’s name?

  4. Matt Says:
    Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 1:48 am | Reply

    Holy crap! How did that slip by me?!

    Most likely. At least, I hope so… because Abigale Elijah sounds like a total hottie.

  5. Pearl Inez Says:
    Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 10:27 am | Reply

    What color would purity gloves be? …most would say white because of purity but I think black would be more effective…for obvious reasons.

  6. Ed Rockwell Says:
    Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at 1:07 am | Reply

    She’s not that good looking. After all, she was home-schooled.

  7. 2wp Says:
    Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at 7:27 am | Reply

    hahaha black gloves would do the job much more effectively…

  8. Called. . . to the Student Development Office Says:
    Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 11:09 pm | Reply

    The gloves should be covered with sequins . . . for obvious reasons!

  9. Matt Says:
    Friday, March 28, 2008 at 10:16 am | Reply

    Maybe the palms of the gloves could be made with sandpaper?

  10. Hmmm.... Says:
    Friday, March 28, 2008 at 10:54 am | Reply

    Oh wow!!

  11. Bernstein Says:
    Friday, March 28, 2008 at 2:28 pm | Reply

    “Maybe the palms of the gloves could be made with sandpaper?”

    This would give a new meaning to the term “fire crotch”

  12. Pearl inez Says:
    Friday, March 28, 2008 at 4:03 pm | Reply

    wow you guys took a simple joke and took way, way too far.

    …thanks for that awesome image.

  13. Called. . . to the Student Development Office Says:
    Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:42 pm | Reply

    I like the image of the sequins . . . a conveniently pointed directional light and you have your own personal disco!

  14. Ryan Grabill Says:
    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 9:04 pm | Reply

    It’s sad out of that whole list, the gloves are the only thing to talk about…there is more to life than sexuality…

  15. Pearl Inez Says:
    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 11:48 pm | Reply

    lies.

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